Disclaimer: Do not read this
article unless you are listening to From me
to you (beatles). It's the only song in the world that can express
how I feel about my ACM team.
Fans, do you know what is ACM? I didn't, up untill a few weeks ago, when my professor said "ACM is a programming competition. The winner gets to go to China. Please join a team, it will only take 10 minutes". Back then, I did not realize that by "it", my professor meant the time it took to register for the competition, and not the competition itself. The actual competition takes about 14 hours. But I joined anyway, because i LOVE China. Chinese girls are hot.
Please dually note the following facts:
Fact #1: I am a lil' competitive.
Fact #2: Actually, I am very competitive.
Fact #3: I am so competitive, I nearly break up with my boyfriend every time he beats me at anything.
Due to facts #1-3, I realized our team must train very hard. We started the training by picking a team name. We called ourselves Camels... Berber Camels.
Unfortunately, we had only 2 weeksto train before the competition. That's when I remembered a movie I saw a few days ago: Dodgeball. It's about some guy who runs a crappy gym with some pirates and fatties. But they end up taking over a really nice gym by winning a game of dodgeball against a scary russian man-lady. There was only one thing that enabled them to win: a great coach called Patches.
That's why the first thing I did was ask the ACM master to be our coach. His name is Chien-I. He doesn't really look like Patches.
Chien-I
The coach spent hours telling us different algorithms- some of them were called dynamic programming, others- shortest path algorithms. After much training (much=1 week), we finally became worthy of THE BOOK:
Fans, do you know what is ACM? I didn't, up untill a few weeks ago, when my professor said "ACM is a programming competition. The winner gets to go to China. Please join a team, it will only take 10 minutes". Back then, I did not realize that by "it", my professor meant the time it took to register for the competition, and not the competition itself. The actual competition takes about 14 hours. But I joined anyway, because i LOVE China. Chinese girls are hot.
Please dually note the following facts:
Fact #1: I am a lil' competitive.
Fact #2: Actually, I am very competitive.
Fact #3: I am so competitive, I nearly break up with my boyfriend every time he beats me at anything.
Due to facts #1-3, I realized our team must train very hard. We started the training by picking a team name. We called ourselves Camels... Berber Camels.
Unfortunately, we had only 2 weeksto train before the competition. That's when I remembered a movie I saw a few days ago: Dodgeball. It's about some guy who runs a crappy gym with some pirates and fatties. But they end up taking over a really nice gym by winning a game of dodgeball against a scary russian man-lady. There was only one thing that enabled them to win: a great coach called Patches.
That's why the first thing I did was ask the ACM master to be our coach. His name is Chien-I. He doesn't really look like Patches.
Patches
Chien-I
The coach spent hours telling us different algorithms- some of them were called dynamic programming, others- shortest path algorithms. After much training (much=1 week), we finally became worthy of THE BOOK:
AMC BIBLE
With only a week left before the competition it was now time for us to have a million mock competitions. We produced awful code for 5 hours, three times a week.
With only a week left before the competition it was now time for us to have a million mock competitions. We produced awful code for 5 hours, three times a week.
MOCK Competition results
So anyway, fast forward to the weekend of the competition. Chris and I realized the most important part of success (other than failure) was team spirit. To boost our spirit, we decided to make Berber Camel Tshirts for our team. The front would say Berber, the back would say our last name, and teammate #. But even shirt-making was not trivial for the Berber Camels Team.
First, we went to Kmart and bought 4 black shirts and white spray paint. We then decided to make stenciles out of printer paper using a tiny piece of razor.
Coincidentally, we were
doing worse each time we practiced. That's why I often sent this kind
of
email to my team.
Typical team email
So anyway, fast forward to the weekend of the competition. Chris and I realized the most important part of success (other than failure) was team spirit. To boost our spirit, we decided to make Berber Camel Tshirts for our team. The front would say Berber, the back would say our last name, and teammate #. But even shirt-making was not trivial for the Berber Camels Team.
First, we went to Kmart and bought 4 black shirts and white spray paint. We then decided to make stenciles out of printer paper using a tiny piece of razor.
Tiny
razor came from the shower
The first stencil was ready 1 hour later. We took a shirt into my starecase and sprayed away
The first stencil was ready 1 hour later. We took a shirt into my starecase and sprayed away
Unfortunately, the spray
paint went through both sides of the shirt and stained my staircase
forever.
back
of spray-painted shit:
And front of shirt:
I was so sad, I had to lick a huge ball
And front of shirt:
I was so sad, I had to lick a huge ball
we left the shirt and
paper stencil to dry on the fire escape, but when I woke up, the
stencil fell down about 10 flights!!!
man-made stencil is sometimes a fire hazard
Because of Berbers, I had to get the stencil with my eyes closed
On the way back, I saw the berber shoes I left outside about 4 monthes ago. they still smelled bad
Because of Berbers, I had to get the stencil with my eyes closed
On the way back, I saw the berber shoes I left outside about 4 monthes ago. they still smelled bad
Then, we went back to
Kmart, b/c we LOVE child labor and sweatshops, and exchanged all shirts
and spraypaint for whit Tshirts, and... get this... REAL stencils!!!
And even a real razor!! and REAL sharpies!! Daym, we were BIG spenders
that day. But this time, we were gonna make the shirts for reals.
First,
we cut out HUGE numbars and a cammal
Then, started to paint with Sharpie
Real stenciles helped
Soon the apt turned into a shits factory
Oh yea, give me a piece of that Berber Shirt!!
Berber shirt makes my nose look bigger...
... my boobs- smaller...
...and our team- invincible.
Of course, we weren't the only ones with team spirit
Then, started to paint with Sharpie
Real stenciles helped
Soon the apt turned into a shits factory
Oh yea, give me a piece of that Berber Shirt!!
Berber shirt makes my nose look bigger...
... my boobs- smaller...
...and our team- invincible.
Of course, we weren't the only ones with team spirit
Unfortunately, the
competition started at 9am, and was about 3 hours away. Everyone at ACM
was a huge hax. Except for the lady who talked on the opening seremony:
I have no clue wtf that
lady was talking about- she was totally wearing a suit... in her pants!!! Yea, think about
that one for a few hours.
So then, we went to the computer rooms and got ready.
So then, we went to the computer rooms and got ready.
I
didn't even know how to do the sample problem
In fact, the competition started like this
Oh James, always using the binary sequence theory of math... you are such a smarty pants. And Chris- making your own parser!! Daym, my team is full of really big hax0rs.
Then I became very hungry.
I started to eat donuts
After eating about 1940283 donuts, I finally coded 1 problem. It worked on all the sample input, and ran very fast, so I submitted it to the online judge.
5 minutes later- the online judge says WRONG ANSWER.
I was like, "are you kidding me, online judge?!? my input totally works, you are SUCH A JOKER!!". So i submitted the problem again. But got the same response- wrong answer.
I was very sad. Meanwhile, an hour already passed and our team solved zero problems. That's why I decided to do a dance to cheer us up.
In fact, the competition started like this
Oh James, always using the binary sequence theory of math... you are such a smarty pants. And Chris- making your own parser!! Daym, my team is full of really big hax0rs.
Then I became very hungry.
I started to eat donuts
After eating about 1940283 donuts, I finally coded 1 problem. It worked on all the sample input, and ran very fast, so I submitted it to the online judge.
5 minutes later- the online judge says WRONG ANSWER.
I was like, "are you kidding me, online judge?!? my input totally works, you are SUCH A JOKER!!". So i submitted the problem again. But got the same response- wrong answer.
I was very sad. Meanwhile, an hour already passed and our team solved zero problems. That's why I decided to do a dance to cheer us up.
Berber dance
I think the dance
actually helped, b/c shortly afterwards, my problem got accepted! I
don't know why- maybe because all the Berbers suddenly sensed a
disturbance in the earth's outer core and started to pray for their
fellow Berber team.
Anyway, about 5 hours later, the contest was finally over, and we went to eat some ham sandwiches. Oh wait, there were not ham sandwich b/c some lady put them in a baskit and took them home. I was like "LADY, you didn't even touch a keyboard today." She said "here, have some turkey". god damn it.
But despite the lack of ham and the overabundance of farts in the programming room, our team did really well. Especially at the after party.
To all the Berbers out there- good work, you made my dreams come true!!
back to News- so full of Berbers
Anyway, about 5 hours later, the contest was finally over, and we went to eat some ham sandwiches. Oh wait, there were not ham sandwich b/c some lady put them in a baskit and took them home. I was like "LADY, you didn't even touch a keyboard today." She said "here, have some turkey". god damn it.
But despite the lack of ham and the overabundance of farts in the programming room, our team did really well. Especially at the after party.
Too
bad this girl couldn't make it.
To all the Berbers out there- good work, you made my dreams come true!!
back to News- so full of Berbers