An Intersting Story about Baggets.

and also a story about how i almost died.

 

Dear fans, I went to France over Thanksgiving with my French friend Arnold. First of all, let us all take a moment to admire this hot pic of me in front of the Louvre.

 

Second of all, check this pic of Arnold in front of a free French toilet:

 

But don't get excited, fans. Right off the bet, there was a problem: everyone in France was on strike. And by everyone, I don't just mean the transit workers. I actually do mean everyone because there was even a strike against the strike!!!

What does a typical French strike look like, you might ask. Let's take a closer look at the following strike imagery:

Do you spot the strikers eating baggets? Bonus points if you figure out if these baggest are ham and cheese or mozarrella tomato!

Therefore, every French subway including museums was closed. I was especially pissed when I found out that the Paris Catacomb was closed- it is supposed to be the finest catacomb in all of Europe. I used the internet to look for alternative ways to get in and found a website of an NYC urban explorer. Immediately, I sent him the following chain of emails:

 

Now fans, allow me to clarify some inconsistencies. News is not a "drunk" website. Our team is well aware of the adverse effects of alcohol on integrity and especially grammer. I have never been drunk while publishing a story. For example, right now I am on a plane, complete sober. To prove this, I will draw a map of my France roadtrip by hand:

France Roadtrip Map

 

There are several reasons why this map clearly shows that I am not nor have ever been drunk:

1. It is drawn to scale, perfectly.

2. That weird dildo behind the word "Paris" is the Eiffel tower.

3. Sicily is floating freely on the Mediterranean Ocean.

 

As can be seen from the accurate map, Arnold and I borrowed his family car and set off for our journey through northern France.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention one interesting detail about Paris that happened before the Roadtrip. As per the usual tradition, I became really ill the minute I stepped off the plane. This time, the affliction was sore throat. Of course, I headed straight for the French Farmacy. I do not speak a word of French, so I made an interesting miming impression of a parched throat. I even turned red for effect!! The outcome is best illustrated by the following image:

 

French Farmacy

 

That's right fans, apparently the typical French remedy for a common cold is a suppository!!! Never in my life would I have guessed that sticking anything up my butt would make my throat feel better!! and never in my life did I imagine that suppositories were shaped like gigantic bullets!!

 

Bullet-shaped suppositories

So as I was saying earlier, Arnold and I headed out for our Roadtrip as soon as my cold passed. The first thing we did was eat a bunch of baggets in Ruen.

Baggets are a French Delicacy

 

Also, check out this French Donut:

'

 

 

My third favorite thing (after bagget and donut) was this art we saw in the Ruen art museum:

It is a painting that gets reflected into the metal tube and looks 3D. very cool.

 

In the afternoon, we drove up to Etrotat- a rock formation that is best explained by another hot pic of me:

 

And while we're on the subject, let's review some of the more interesting sights I saw in Paris. Unfortunately I had to ask random tourists to take pictures of me. Now, understandably it is quite difficult to take a picture of a subject that is as hot as myself. But common!!!

#1: This is supposed to be in front of the moulin rouge

 

For the record, the moulin rouge looks like this

 

#2: This is supposed to be a pic of me being an Asian Tourist in front of the Eiffel Tower

 

For the record, the Eiffel Tower actually looks like this:

 

#3: This is supposed to be me doing the Asian Tourist in front of Notre Damn

 

For the record, the Notre Damn actually looks like this:

haha, just kidding, that's not really the notre damn. LOL!

 

#4: This is supposed to be me doing Asian Touris in... I'm not even sure where

 

#5: This is supposed to be a picture of me in the middle of the Louvre

Whats wrong with that pic you ask? it makes my ass look fat, thats what! The tourist who took this is the dumbest.

 

Therefore, tourists are complete noobs when it comes to taking pictures!!

 

So anyways, back to story about the roadtrip and Etrotat. Here is Etrotat for real:

 

We spent the night in Caen. Here is a pic of Arnold and his new GF Kathy

 

Don't be confused fans, Kathy is actualy the car GPS thingy with a female voice, and not a miniature woman. You may also notice that instead of the lonely planet, Arnould is relying on the Retard Guide to find good restaurants and Hotels.

The Retard Guide, here it is!

 

The good news about the Retard guide though, is that probably the best meal I've ever had came from there:

 

The following day, we had an ineresting conversation in the car

(By the way, the green turds around the car are supposed to be grass. We were driving through a lot of green fields!)

Fans whether you know it or not, I never said "ghosts" in my sleep. I did in fact say "hosts", but since Arnold is not nearly as nerdy as me, he mis-heard it as "ghosts". Why would I say hosts? Because I had a hacking nightmare, that's why!!! And the thing about the tarts is actually true.

 

For example, here is a pic of me about to eat a strawberry tart in Arnold's car:

Fans, for the first time I'll admit that in this pic, the tart actually looks as good as me. In fact, it looks so good, the tart is almost indistinguishable from my face.

 

Now let me interrupt this fascinating train of thought and tell you a little bit about how I celebrated thanksgiving in Paris. It just so happened that that night, there was absolute no food in Arnold's fridge except for this frozen bagget and some pre-made crossants.

 

 

Luckily we also found this raw crepe and egg:

 

Our thanksgiving dinner looked like this

Despite the meager nourishment, I was in fact very thankful during this years thanksgiving. I felt very lucky to be visiting France, have good friends, look hot, and not have any bullet-shaped pills up my ass.

 

Fans, we saw some really awesome World War II stuff in Caen. I really recommend you go there immediately!! Then we headed straight for Bauex, which is famous for its 200-ft long tapestry. The oldest tapestry in the world!!

 

Bauex is also famous for this amazing picture of me

 

We then saw Omaha Beach...

 

 

That night, we went to Mt Son Michelle. That is one of the most famous monasteries in all of Europe. I admit, this picture sucks, but just trust me fans, it was pretty cool.

 

On the way back, we stopped by Ponte Neuf- one of the few sites that has not changed much since D Day. I have to be serious now and tell you: the site still had WWII bunkers and craters from shell explosions. That stuff does not look the way it does in the movies.

Here are some craters

 

Here is a bunker

 

Here is me in a bunker

 

And here is a picture of Megha during this year's Christmas:

 

Also, here is a picture of my sister with a huge wad of cotton that she's about to put on our Christmas tree

 

The thing about Chrismast at my house is that we have about 2384 different Chrismas trees. For example, here is another tree in my house, but my sister looks kinda weird.

 

I made the most awesome coriander sauce!!!

 

So why did I abruptly bring up Chrismas and coriander without even finishing the story about France? That's because the story about France did not end in France. Do you remember how in the begining of the update I mentioned emailing some random guy about the catacombs? Well we finally met up and decided to check out the Williamsburg bridge.

Heres how I "checked out" the williamsburg bridge

 

At first this seemed like an awesome idea. The view from the top was amazing:

 

Walking down the cable was also pretty awesome at first. But then I remembered I am terrified of heights.

 

And then, just as we were almost done, we found out this bridge has some serious suicide guards. This means 10-foot tall barb wire fence across the entire cable. that we had to climb over. at roughly 500ft above real traffic. I think i was legally dead.

Also, I looked like a bleached whale

 

In conclusion, the best French medicine for a common cold is a suppository, and I looked like a bleached whale during my climb down the Williamsburg Bridge.

 

Back to News so full of barb wire

 

PS. 24 has finally propagated to the servers, and I got another chinch