A quick update about duty
Fans, this update is short and sweet. It is also left-aligned for fans who have render problems on their cell phones.
First of all, we are proud to announce the following winners of the Fan of the Week contest:
submission #23498723
Second of all, do you remember that I looked like a bleached whale when I climbed the Williamsburg bridge:
Yes, I know this photograph is from the update about baggets, but that post was so long that most fans did not get to read about the whale because of bandwidth limitations on my servers. Now imagine that 6 hours after the bridge, I am on a plane to Seattle. This is because my friend was throwing a New Years party there.
As soon as I arrived, everyone said to me "GET TO WORK". That's right, instead of vaccation, I was immediately assigned the job to climb a huge ladder and put up a screen. No problem, I put on a huge News #1 Fan shirt and began the ascent.
Now, you are probably confused about a lot of things in the above photograph. First of all, that orange bobbin that looks like a dildo is actually a tesla coil (it is hard to capture correctly in photographs when I use slow shutter speed). Second of all, the comment about "duty" is very serious. You see fans, in order to make the party smooth, everyone has to do a duty in the parking lot. We have to take turns telling people where to park! I immediately signed up for the 1.30am-2am shit.
Then came the hard part of the preparation for the party: I had to capture the stripping pole and set it up. This is hard work, and in this picture I am very tire:
Oh man, I look so good in this pic, if I submit it to Fan of the Week Contest, no other fans will win ever again. I also look a little bit like the start of Alias Part 2. Now you must be wondering: why have a stripping pole at a party?
There is only one reason fans: great workout. Throw out the old inflatable balls, dreadmill, and elipsis! Throw in: the Pilates Pole!!
Watch how this gorgous trained professional demonstrates an advanced pilates move using the pilates pole:
Are you a beginner!? No problem! You can do an elementary pilates stretch around the pole with great ease:
Are you worried that you are a huge fatty? This fat fan is actually having fun while getting in shape:
Even this black and white woman from the 50's is having a blast:
The third thing I did was discover a gigantic bucket of dough. I don't mean dough like money- as the slang expression implied. The following image is actually a little bit scary, even for me:
To this day I am not sure why I look so scary, but you can tell I really like the clumpy dough in my hand.
Finally it was time for the party. First of all, let's discuss my outfit. Do your remember my costume from defcon where I had cleavage? Well, this time I wore something identical except even hotter because I had boots!!
Let's examine how hot I look at this stripping pole:
You can tell in this pic that I suck at pole dancing, but at least my outfit will remind you of Defcon.
In this pic, I am ready to pole dance, but feeling shy:
In this pic, I am laughing about duty:
Okay, i think we all get the point: yet again, I am hotter than ever! But now, let's move on to another part of the knight where I got the most awesome face paint:
At the same time, the tesla coil was on, and I got to wave a gigantic sord around at least a billion volts of power:
At the same time, the flaming tetherball was also going on:
And also a nice safe game of fire soccer:
There were even bum barrles!
Indoors it was realy starting to feel like a secret underground rave:
But for me, this was not a time to enjoy myself!! the bilogical clock was ticking!!! It was almost time for my dooty in the parking lot and I was starting to get ready:
At exactly 1.30am, I started to head out to the parking lot. However, there was one problem: there was no place to do the duty! Most people have already arrived and parked!!
Of course, I still found a way to do my dooty!! I told people where to park as they were leaving the parking lot!!
Immediately following my duty, I was drunk enough to start bar tending this party!!
Apparently, I am as good at bar-tending as I am at pole dancing!!
Fans, I know this sounds strange, but in my country: gin and tonic is made from vodka and whiskey. Sometimes, We add a midget of curry for extra taste!! Lucky for me, there was no culture shock when I made this drink in the USA, and everyone was pleased:
Well fans, there is only one thing I forgot to mention: as the knight was wrapping up, I finally got to meet Rusty at least 239487234 times.
In conclusion, my New Year was full of dancing, bar tending and dooty.
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