Finally, an update
hi Fans, I know you're wondering why the News has been so slow. But remember- a lack of updates is not an indication of a lack of News. Actually, it's an indication of the polar opposite: utter integrity.
First of all, I spent my summer all over the middle east. Please take a few minutes to study this map:
(Don't worry fans, I don't get this map either, Chris made it)
During my travels, I learned many many things, the most significant of which is: Ancient Egyptions came from Aliens!! Actually I'm serious. I saw about 293847234 Alien hieroglyphs. Please refer to the following exhibits:
Exhibit A: face-down alien
Exhibit B: UFO
Exhibit C: Alien Portrait
Exhibit D: Russian Trash Can
Exhibit E: Hesh, inside an ACTUAL sarcophagus!!
(Totally gansta)
Given the evidence above, it is absolutely clear that pharaohs and aliens shared a very strong bond- perhaps a genetic one.
And now, time to address an issue that keeps resurfacing: many fans ask the News team "omg, why don't you make a website that has a real design, lol?". Ok fans, go to my real website.
In other news, i have been back in the US for over a month now, and guess what? Immediately I have some serious job interviews. Now, I know what you are thinking fans: you are remembering that time I went to the corporate dinner at morgan stanley:
Beginning of dinner
End of Dinner
Thats right fans, by the end of the corporate dinner, I knew so much about Morgan stanley and godlman sach that I was completely ready to join the peace corpse.
But don't worry, goldman sach does not piss me off nearly as much as the pictures people have been putting up on Facebook. First of all, everyone who's ever created a photo album, has at least one picture that looks like this:
WTF, "total crazyness"? you're having a beer with 2 of your friends who don't even like you. but even worse yet, are pictures like this:
ok, anybody who calls their friends "the boys" is a total slut. "the boys" makes me so fucking mad I just want to slam my head into my monitor and then slam it into my other monitor while the first monitor is still attached to my head. But worst of all, are the pictures of jokes that nobody gets except you:
Ok, so you're a communist nurse, but i'm not laughing. Quite on the contrary, I'm shoving wart cream down my throat to keep my tongue from falling out. So in conclusion, I can't help posting some exemplerary pictures from MY facebook album, appropriately titled "Spring 2006".
Excellent Picture #1, from Spring 2006
Excellent Picture #2, from Spring 2006
And while we're on the subject of Facebook, why are so many people bitching about the new facebook feed? That's why it's called a social networking tool, you tools. If you don't want your friends to see that you added "woody allen" to your favorite films for the 5th time in the last hour, then stop typing woody allen. OMG, the guy isn't even that funny.
But on a bright side-note, the chinch pretty much doubled in size this summer, and so did my cleavage:
yea, the chinch is totally awesome
And now, a pop quiz for the fans: What is up with this new 80's style that is suddenly popular all over NYC?
Is my sister really wearing leggins?? I remember when I first came to the US, all I had was leggins- I wore leggins instead of shirts, pants, and underwear. I even played with leggins because I had no toys or nintendo. I was pretty much the biggest looser at my school, and now, leggins are actually cool? I went shopping for an interview costume the other day, and what do I see at every store:
In conclusion, I learned a lot during my trip to the middle east, and I especially hate leggings.