An update about raw beef and Harry Potter
Fans, a typical prom is when you take your cousin to the school dance because you just discovered 4 new pimples. I decided to recreate this exact experience by doing a multi-day trek in the Rocky mountains with my good friend Hari. Except my experience also involved lots of raw ground beef.
We chose to go to Colorado for two reasons:
1. Bears
2. Cheap Flight
We booked our flight with Midwest Airlines...
Upon arrival, we immediately trashed our hotel room.
You can tell from this pic that we were really, really bad:
The following morning we went shopping for supplies. I instincitvely went for the raw beef isle of the supermarket. Fans, bringing wads of raw, ground meat on a multi-day trek is as natural to me as childbirth. When I went on a trek in Chile, I always did that.
I even managed to convinced Hari that brining slaughtered animal on our hike was a good idea:
When I went to Chile, I cooked raw ground beef every night with curry, 1:1 ratio of beef to curry. So to prepare for the Rocky Mountains, I gathered globs of beef and stuffed it into Hari's bag!
We began site-seeing as as soon as we arrived to the Rocky Mountain National park.
The first interesting thing we saw was this pile of shit in the parking lot:
I should take a moment here to point out the obvious: as a rough trekker I am incredibly hot.
The next interesting thing we saw was this image of Hari eating dry sausage:
It was hard not to be inspired by such romantic scenery. Caught in the moment of breath-taking nature, landscape and dry sausage, we decided to take our first official prom photo.
Prom Photo #1: awkward phase during which we tell our parents that unlike all previous years, we will not be taking a cousing or another distant relative such as grandpa or uncle to the school dance.
Prom Photo #2: we are happy because we will be the only prom couple that is not related by blood or fecal ties:
Roughly 2 minutes later, we began what turned out to be the most ass-kicking hike of my life. And I don't realy mean ass-kicing in a good way: we were climbing up a mountain for 6 hours with 4lbs of ground beef in our bags. To understand this concept- keep in mind the simple laws of physics. With every step, the juices, fat and beef strings were re-distributed amongs our camping gear such as tent, underwear and vaseline. At some points of the hike, it was not clear- were we carrying 4lbs of raw beef or vaseline?!
A lucky surprise was stumbling accross these ancient ruins. It reminded of when I found a roman aquiduct and some scorpios in Turkey
Soon afterwards, we spotted the first signs of the picturesque Colorado Wildlife:
Here is a picture of me eating lunch amidst the wildness:
At this time, I was also fortunate enough to see Hari's medium-sized water sach:
When we finally arrived, it was my favorite part of the trip- dumping huge wads of raw beef onto a skillet and cooking a groundbeef curry. Hari was a little skeptical at first, but I could tell he really enjoyed the meal because he stored some of the curry and beef string in his pockets. Of course, we were prepared for the bears so we put the remainder of the beef in this protective barrel.
The following image is the best of the 20th century technologies: Xray vision coupled with 3x magnification. This technique shows the beef string that we stored in the barrel:
Unfortunately, bears were the least of our concern because our entire night pretty much went like this:
That's right fans, for about 5 hours, Hari and I lay in our tent in a semi-comatose state of I-think-I-will-puke-if-I-move, deliberating whether or not this onset of drooling and nausea was caused by eating poorly-prepared low quality ground beef or the altitude (2+Km). It was almost as scary as that time I saw two Harry Potter movies back to back:
The First Harry Potter Movie:
The Second Harry Potter Movie:
To this day, I am not sure what is more scary: vomiting chunks of raw beef and blood on a Colorado mountain, Harry Potter and Prisoner of Assban or Harry Potter and the Order of the Weenix.
Luckily, the next day I feel much better and was able to enjoy this beautiful scenery.
Scenery #1: a hot pic of me
Scenery #2: a mountain lake
Scenery #3: another hot pic of me
Scenery #4: Sunset
Scenery #5: mountain
Meanwhile, the prom continued, as you can see from this picture in which Hari and I are already at 2nd base. Lucky for the boys, I like to move really fast, like a player pimp:
By the way, if you forget what is 2nd base, don't feel ashamed to refer to this diagram
Although we never reached consensus about what exactly caused our illness- the altitude or the raw beef, we decided to play it safe the 2nd night and avoid all raw meat products and even beef string. Instead we made this awesome quesadela...
...And some Thai noodles, which I am gracefully presenting in this picture:
On the way back, we stopped by Boulder to try the local cuisine and beverage.
In the following image, I am trying the local beverage for the first time:
In this picture, I am showing you the finest local cuisine:
Finally, Here is an image of Hari vomiting all over our rental car:
In conclusion, raw beef is almost as scary as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Assban, and the local cuisine of Colorado can sometimes be culturally overwhelming.