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So this one time, last semester, I took a software engineering class. The class consisted of choosing a project and completing it in one semester. When faced with a choice between an online scheduler, an online organizer, an online website, or an mmporpg, i decided to go with the least gay option- ie, the mmporg. unfortunately it was too late to drop the class by the time i learned that mmporg didn't actually stand for massively multiple online orgasm. So to best explain what software engineering is really all about, i will show the timeline of our project, in terms of time remaining untill its final deadline.
Time Remaining: 4 monthes
we decide to develop a multi-playarrr pirate game, and we call it Aegir. As soon as we create a few mock screen shots with MS Paint, we KNOW it's going to be the best game in the online market. we plan to have a version running by the end of spring break!!! we already plan subscription prices and discuss which 23849732 things we'll buy once we're rich. I'm psyched, b/c it seems that the project i chose really is the least gay of all.
Time Remaining: 2 monthes (end of spring break)
We have a simple server that runs for up to (*GASP*) 4 minutes at a time before it segfaults. There isn't really a gui or any gameplay, but nobody is worried, b/c our mock MS paint screenshots speak for themselves.
Time Remaining: 2 weeks
We have a fascinating text-based game, which allows players to TELNET to a server and chat for up to... 6 minutes before everything crashes. Unfortunately, by this point, we're supposed to send a project version to our classmates for testing... Gabe and Chris start working on a GUI. I don't know any OpenGL, so I do the next most useful thing: send bitchy emails to EVERYONE i know. the approximate content is:
Dear World:
My Software Engineering group SUCKS about 10000 cocks. Nobody is doing any work. Neither am I. But at least I have some balls to complain about it.
Because I am a bitch on wheels.
Yours Truly,
Stacey
ps. the alias season finale was pretty hot, eh?
Time Remaining: 9 days
Gabe officially moves into the courant (computer science) building. This may be hard to believe, but actually- the building is surrounded by homeless bums, and there's plenty of room for Gabe and his overnight blanket.
Time Remaining: 8 days
We have a simple gui that runs for about 6 minutes before it hard-locks the entire machine.
Time Remaining: 7 days
First 12 hour Aegir Coding session. The server is finally semi-stable, and the gui starts to look slighly less like ass. I start looking slighly more like ass. I also start leaving my toothbrush and courant.
Time Remaining: 6 days
Gabe and I do the pre-final demo, in which we tell our class that our project isnot only crash-proof but also incredibly fascinating to play. We take the entire class up to the computer lab, and full of confidence and pride, advise them to keep their pants on before they start playing the game. People log in and Aegir hard-locks the entire lab. Basically- we end up showing everyone the most mind-boggling thing they've ever seen: a rate of 1000 seg-faults per second!!!!! Even our professor was impressed!!!
Time Remaining: 5 days
Overnight Aegir Coding sessions start. We neglect all of our other classes, yes even honor 202. Jake- my 202 partner- officially starts to anger at me, since he is finally forced to do up to 50% of our last 202 lab. But I am not nearly as phased by his anger as I am by the fact that all Aegir ships are traveling in random, inexplicable directions, islands keep mysteriously disappearing and popping up in unexpected locations, the sea looks like a chlorine-saturated pool, and the server can't run for more than 20 minutes without crashing...
Time Remaining: 16 hours
We fix most of the memory leaks and concurrency issues. Chris adds a nice 3D view and well... it actually comes together. None of us have really slept in the past 5 days, so we finally go home to get some rest before the FINAL FINAL demo.
Time Remaining: 15 hours 30 minutes
it's 2 am when Chris and I realize- we NEED A POSTER for the demo that's supposed to happen the next morning!!! We are so tired we can't see straight, and it becomes clear that there is only 1 (one) solution: we must find the most disgusting, dirtiest fish-crate in chinatown and use it as our posterboard. We wander around the world's sketchiest neighboorhood at 3 am, finally finding a filthy 50lb wooden crate. We tell ourselves the red, blood-smelling stains are just rasberry jam and drag it back to Chris's dorm. We do everything short of flashing the guards to convince them that it's not a fire hazard and we must bring it into Chris's dorm in order not to fail. The crate sheds several massive piles of fish scales on chris's floor. In addition, on the way home, we encounter this:
Time Remaining: 2 Hours
Gabe is still fixing Aegir bugs, while chris and I take over the women's bathroom in courant to tea-stain the papers we plan to put on our poster. Chris's precense in the female bathroom causes no controversies... because... well there aren't really any women...
Time Remaining: 10 minutes
We basically break most of our fingers thumb-tacking our tea-stained papers to the fish-smelling, probably bug-infested wooden crate.
Time Remaining: 2 minutes
GAVE IS STILL FIXING BUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and adding features!!!!!!!!
SHOWTIME
It all comes together (+/- several key features)!
Needless to say, our project ended up kicking ass on demo day. Everyone agrees: it was better than even the grad students project!!!! This remarkable accomplishment was celebrated by severe drunkness. For 10 days in a row. In fact, today is the first day when Im awake and sober enough to describe the fiasco that was Aegir. So in conclusion, hard work pays off. And so does drunkenness.
and on a sidenote, a quick SHOUTOUT TO NEWS FANS:
The other day I went to my sister's pre-prom party and played "parent"- ie took lots of pics, and acted very serious. I didn't mention even ONE kidding, becase I felt that not making my sister look like an ass in front of her date was pretty key at the time. As a sidenote, my sister's date was HOT. and so's her friend JASPER! Anyway, back to the preprom: suddenly I was approached by a group of parents and siblings of my sister's friends who said "We've read a lot about your country". I pretended to misunderstand the reference, but they said "We also really liked your Underwear Modeling Skills". By then, I knew all was lost, and the kiddings commenced. So in conclusion, this weeks News #1 Fan Award goes to Kelly McKnight, for all her dedication and commitment to making News the world's number one source of integrity and information exchange.
News fans, it is now time for you to share stories about software engineering. Do you like software? do you like engineering? What about pirates? please describe.