Relationships work differently for everyone, but sometimes they can get messy.
For most people, a relationship only involves two people – yourself and your significant other. But there are those among us who practice polyamory or who believe in open relationships where both parts of a couple can see other people separately. As long as everyone involved consents to what happens, there’s no right or wrong way to navigate your relationship.
However, one woman learned that inviting other people into her relationship can make things complicated. She has a husband while also seeing another man separately whom she considers her boyfriend – but now she’s discovered she’s pregnant.
The woman knows exactly which one of her partners is the father of her baby, but she’s in a predicament because she doesn’t know how to tell them the news. She also isn’t sure how the baby will impact her relationship with her spouse and her boyfriend, as she doesn’t know whether she wants to raise a child with more than one partner.
According to her friend, who claimed to be posting the predicament to Reddit on her behalf, the woman – who was given the fake name Selena – knows the baby’s father is her boyfriend, Michael, rather than her husband, James.
Selena and James, a couple who have been married for 12 years and identify as “swingers”, are facing a complex situation. James frequently sleeps with other women, while Selena only has one other sexual partner – Michael.
The couple hasn’t been intimate for nearly a year, leading to the conclusion that the father of Selena’s newly discovered pregnancy must be her boyfriend, Michael. Now, she’s grappling with what steps to take next.
In the now deleted Reddit post, the friend shared: “She told me today she’s pregnant. Took four tests and went to the doctor to confirm. She’s about six weeks, they estimate. Early days, no way it could be her husband’s. She wants to tell the ‘boyfriend’ Michael first. She says it’s her choice, but he deserves to know.
“If they decide to terminate, she’ll tell her husband about it, of course. If they decide otherwise, she isn’t going to lie to her husband. She wants to be the one to decide if she wants a baby, even if that means she loses them both. She hasn’t decided what she wants yet. Her question is, which man does she tell first?”
It was later clarified in an update to the post that both James and Michael are aware of each other, and Selena was not having an affair behind her husband’s back, as all parties involved had given their consent. Commenters on the post argued it “doesn’t really matter” who she informs first, as both her boyfriend and husband will need to know.
However, they emphasized she should decide for herself whether she wants to keep the baby before discussing it with either of them so that she knows exactly what to communicate.
One commentator chimed in: “Since it’s an open relationship and she’s not cheating on her partner, then both men don’t have more importance over the other. If she wants to keep the child and is willing to lose them both, then, again, neither matters over the other. So tell them at the same time.”
Another voiced their opinion, asserting: “What does it matter who she tells first? They are all consenting adults who chose this lifestyle. Decide what you want to do, i.e., keep or not, and then tell everyone.”
