“Breaking News: Tim Walz’s Family Disowns Him, Declares ‘We Do Not Support This Woke Individual’—The Shocking Reasons!.Vuong.”

In a development that could only be described as the stuff of Shakespearean tragedy (or perhaps a daytime soap opera), Minnesota Governor and Democratic vice-presidential nominee Tim Walz has found himself disowned by some of his very own relatives. The reason? They don’t much care for his “woke” political ideology or his campaign for the White House. In fact, they’ve made it crystal clear they would rather rally behind—wait for it—Donald Trump.

Yes, you read that correctly. The governor’s distant relatives, sporting bright red “Nebraska Walz’s for Trump” t-shirts, have taken to the Internet to proudly declare their allegiance to the GOP, sending shockwaves through political circles and making family dinners at the Walz household awkward for the foreseeable future.

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The drama all began when a photo of several of Walz’s distant relatives surfaced on social media. In the picture, they could be seen beaming with pride as they wore the now-infamous Trump shirts. The photo quickly went viral, prompting both bewilderment and gleeful mockery from Walz’s critics. After all, it’s not every day you see the family of a Democratic vice-presidential candidate enthusiastically supporting the opposition—and by opposition, we mean the very man who’s single-handedly divided Thanksgiving tables for the last eight years.

The relatives in question, hailing from Nebraska (because where else?), clarified that while they share a surname with Governor Walz, they are not close family members and have never actually met him. But that didn’t stop them from seizing the moment and turning their family connection into a political statement. In an interview with a local news station, one of the relatives, sporting a MAGA hat with more enthusiasm than Walz has ever mustered for a campaign speech, summed up their feelings in one sentence: “We don’t support this woke creep.”

It’s one thing to deal with criticism from political opponents or media pundits. It’s another thing entirely when your own flesh and blood are handing you over to the Twitter wolves. While Governor Walz has remained diplomatic—because, after all, he’s running for vice president—sources close to the campaign say he wasn’t exactly thrilled by the betrayal.

 

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In fact, an anonymous insider told us that Walz may have been caught muttering under his breath, “I should’ve known the Nebraska branch of the family was bad news,” though this remains unconfirmed. (Apparently, the family’s 2016 Christmas party was also a political disaster, but we digress.)

The truth is, political families are no strangers to public disagreements. But in Walz’s case, the timing couldn’t be worse. With the 2024 election in full swing, the last thing a vice-presidential nominee needs is a family rift playing out for the entire world to see. While most candidates struggle to fend off attacks from opposing parties, Walz is now grappling with attacks from his own extended family. You know, the kind that shows up once a year, brings a fruitcake no one asked for, and then decides to endorse your political enemy.

If only family feuds were the governor’s only problem. Walz has also been facing mounting criticism regarding his military service record, with critics accusing him of “stolen valor.” The accusations claim that Walz retired from the National Guard just before his unit was deployed to Iraq, leading some veterans to allege he “abandoned” his post.

In true election-year fashion, this controversy has been amplified across social media and cable news as political opponents seize the opportunity to portray Walz as untrustworthy. Even more damaging, rumors have resurfaced about Walz misleadingly suggesting that he re-enlisted immediately after 9/11, which has been debunked as a clever embellishment. (In reality, his re-enlistment occurred much later and for unrelated reasons, but hey, no one ever let the truth get in the way of a good scandal.)

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Between the family disowning and the military criticism, it’s safe to say Walz’s campaign bus has hit a few speed bumps on the road to the White House. And all the while, his Nebraska relatives are out there fanning the flames with their “Walz’s for Trump” t-shirts, probably planning their next rally in support of the former president. At this point, they might as well start their own PAC.

But let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer poetry of the phrase “woke creep.” It’s not every day a political figure gets branded with such a catchy—if baffling—insult. According to the Nebraska faction of the Walz family, the term refers to the governor’s progressive policies, particularly his support for LGBTQ rights, climate change initiatives, and any other issue that might make a Fox News viewer’s blood pressure spike.

The family’s statement about their disowning of Walz is, in fact, a fascinating study in political branding. They don’t just disagree with his policies; they have rejected him entirely, reducing the Democratic nominee for vice president to little more than a “woke creep.” It’s almost Shakespearean in its betrayal, if Shakespeare had written about Midwestern family feuds and modern-day American elections instead of tragic Danish princes.

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The media, predictably, has run wild with the story. Right-wing commentators are gleefully reporting on every new detail, while left-leaning outlets are bending over backward to make the case that these distant relatives don’t actually matter. But the truth is, in a hyper-polarized political climate where every personal detail becomes ammunition, the Nebraska Walz’s are having their 15 minutes of fame—and they seem to be enjoying every second of it.

As Election Day draws nearer, the big question on everyone’s mind is whether Walz’s campaign can survive these familial and military controversies. On one hand, it’s hard to imagine that a distant cousin’s endorsement of Trump could derail a serious political campaign. On the other hand, we live in an age where the Internet turns every trivial event into a meme-fueled firestorm.

For now, Walz has chosen to stay focused on the issues, hoping to remind voters that his policies—not his relatives—are what truly matter. But with the “woke creep” label now attached to him and social media users gleefully spreading the Nebraska family’s Trump endorsements, it’s safe to say that the road ahead is going to be a bumpy one.

And as for those relatives? They’re probably printing up more t-shirts. After all, 2024 is shaping up to be a family feud for the history books.

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