Keaпᴜ Reeves is one of the coldest and most beautiful people in Hollywood. Whoopi Goldberg, on the other hand, was recently voted “most hated person” by Tiпsel Towп, a distinction that no one seems to be able to refute.
Reeves was chosen to present this year’s lifetime achievement award by the Television Production Committee, a role he had hoped to take on… until he heard he would have to share the stage and present the award with Whoopi Goldberg.
“She’s not an ice person,” Reeves said in a voice that almost sounded like he was addressing Roff outside the Circle K, “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who made that mistake.”
Josti Timberlake, Wyopa Ryder and Gloria Estefania also declined. They are still waiting to hear from Jackie and Kelso, who desperately need something different to happen in their lives, but no one seems to be able to find them.
“We think those two are probably in a rap somewhere after losing their social media following due to the worst apology video ever recorded,” said Rap Captain Joe Barro of the 136th Maricopa Paralegal Unit, “We’re just going to start here in Los Angeles and rap until we find them.”
Others believe they may also be in a shallower place, such as a ditch or even a puddle, but all agree that they have probably died of embarrassment, which has affected their careers. Topher Grace was on hand to comment, once again leaving his dignity intact.
Reeves said there’s no way he’s going to change his life, no matter how silly the story is. God bless America.
